Hari Raya
And I feel outdated

Why? Because I tucked in my baju in the samping.

No shit... really.

Know what? I feel a li'l fucking saddened everytime it comes to this day. I remember a time when someone told me that she anyams ketupats when she gets home from school till late and not changing out of her uniform.

And then I never saw her again.

And I remember the day I cried in front of my fucking mom because I regreted not being the son she'd always wanted.

And I remember... well... lotsa things.

Hari Raya. Day of Clebration. I have nothing to celebrate today. Or yesterday. Except that I have a new life now, I think.

"Take today
I walked that way
I saw him say
That you were there to stay..."
"Dues" by Come Morning

Heh heh... I like that song. Excellent. No shit. Really. Just ask any of these pple:
Fadhil
Harlina
Bean

He he... and what a small fucking world. certain sergeant in my camp is my bassist's good friend and he listens to Muse and he's a guitarist looking for a band. Ha ha...

my life is preset. And it must look like a joke.

I'm laughing. Why aren't you? Oh, well... Fuck a cat till You drop dead. I remember a certain Malissa. Or wassit Mallisa? Something or other. Sweet.

But my upside-down tulip still beats any.

Being sweet is no easy task. But someone;s gotta do it. heh heh....

Wednesday, October 25, 2006
This date's for the entry above, in case you're wondering

As I sit HeRe
as I sit here, I cannot help but comment.

Some pple are so mind-fucked dumb, they miss the fact that I am not.

Reliable? Responsible? Me? Motherfuck, I am! But they spew these out anyway... How can I not know that I am not?

Weird, no? I know I try. But other than that, do not, DO NOT pin any hope on me. The grave error smiles as you do that.

But the fact remains I love to shoulder responsibility if I can. And then shrug it off. Ha. What a weird fucker.

Anyways... I'm quite confident now that I can handle my job. And the Chinese motherfucker who tried to goad me into his side and fuck the ass of my MALAY senior Medic... Fuck you.

Dare I say that to him? No. But I can fuck him in silence. I'll break that fucking know-it-all attitude and get him to be as frustrated as a monkey's tail in a snake and let him do his own spy stuff on his own and dun get me fucking involved. Plus... I'll cover my immediate superior's ass. The right thing to do and the only way I know how to live.

And one fucker worth mentioning. Kassim. PTE Kassim. Grow up.

Saturday, October 7, 2006
This date's for the entry above, in case you're wondering

Wake up and smell the roseS
I'm calling to see you now
Nevermind my call
I'm calling to see you now
Wondering if you're here.

There. Cool, right the lyrics. Band's song. We are Come Morning, pple. Welcome the morning, pls.

They mistreat. They throw fits. And for them my tongue I bit.

Saturday, October 7, 2006
This date's for the entry above, in case you're wondering

May the gods rest My soul

Whadahell is wrong with me? Never satisfied. Just contented. Issat Funking possible? I dun bloody well know, now, do I? I don't fucking know anything. No shit. Know shit.

Why do I say this? Hah-ha... I may be able to tell you right, wrong. Perception. Time. Discipline.

And what else nots.

That's about it.

Saturday, October 7, 2006
This date's for the entry above, in case you're wondering

Days

The days of my life aren't the same...

Honestly... The fact that every month is the total opposite of the next or as different as any fucking month here, there or before and after and at the same time totally alike kinda amuses me... ha ha.. No.. Really.

Someone told me I'm complicated. She didn't really explain it very well, but... hey... words are my forte(I don't the the key map to the funny e sign). Not hers.

But... You think? I hardly think so. I just like to complicate matters but solve the comlpications of others by making them see that they're doing the exact same thing I am. Complicate.

Too many words. I missed a wedding, I guess... Didn't. Couldn't. Wouldn't. I think I've said that already.

Anybody still reading this shit?

You know what? I've changed. No. Really. I want something. A few things. And I know now what they are. I never used to. Given... The 'things I want' collumn in my head gets messed around a li'l here and fuckin' there but the same's the same... I know now. Neer used to be that way. I was a floater.

Now I'm a sub-floater.

Ha.

"I don't want you to adore me.
Don't want you to ignore me.
I'll do it on my own..."

Muscle Museum. Muse.

Hmmmn... I keep hurting the one I care most about. And I know it. This sucks.

And I forgive myself.

Saturday, September 30, 2006
This date's for the entry above, in case you're wondering

Time to say it.

It is, don't ya know? It's finally time to say it.

"Hopelessly... I'll love you endlessly"
Endlessly. Muse. But the moment never comes. Ha ha.. I ripped that off from the same song.

Oh, heck. I've got rope burn, anyway... from holding on too long... he he...

I didn't really want to go, anyway. I don't think I could keep a straight face there, anyway...

So, I kept myself occupied with someone who dragged me away from my shadows. Thank you.

You'll never know what true gratitude means until the beggar you kicked jumps off the sidewalk to save you from a bus.

And you'll never know regret until you realised, years later, you never did thank that beggar.

Because on that day, you got up and just walked to yr bank that held money and no feelings.

Disgusting, isn't it?

Sunday, September 3, 2006
This date's for the entry above, in case you're wondering

Fuck my Ass and Throw The Yeast (FATTY)

Anyway... I feel a li'l off my shoes. I have no idea why, actually.

Wel, I do. But who the Hell cares, anyway...

The fact is... I'm promoted!!! Yay!!! I went one full round the merry party of the SAF just so I could end up the same way if I'd went straight. Ha ha...

Cool, huh? Well. At least I learnt some useful stuff... like how to keep pple on yr side and how to save some lives.

Oh, yea. Plus death is really just a part of life. It sounds corny until you really see a man die. I did. And the fact that I'm still here is really irking me.

I saw him die. Saw how the fucking doctor waved him off and say "Stop, lah". Saw how worthless the man was to her. Saw the masks they wore and well... I'm never gonna work in a hospital if I could help it.

I was quiet for most of the hospital attachment period. No shit. Honest to goodness. Ask my buddies. Not that you'd know any of 'em. But yea. I found it really hard to forget the man. And another death on my last day, if I'd remembered correctly. Urgh.

Vulgar as I am and stuff, I'm still quite emotional, y'know? I still cannot get over the fact that I broke someone's arm. Someone's rib. Someone's what-not... Oh, well... Life goes on and I'm gonna get what I want. I don't care how.

heh heh... A song is a song and i dare say my band's not too bad... Just... RAW. Hmmmn... Let's refine.

"I'm calling to see you now
don't mind my call "

Cool, huh? No? Too bad. I like. Oh, well... I'm waking up, at least. Dreams get done that way, don't ya think?

Fuck off and die.

Sunday, September 3, 2006
This date's for the entry above, in case you're wondering

Try fucking some monkeys.

Sunday, September 3, 2006
This date's for the entry above, in case you're wondering

HA Ha hA
tOO BAD...heh heh...

Sunday, September 3, 2006
This date's for the entry above, in case you're wondering